Yesterday marked 15 months of not blogging. It wasn’t an intentional break….at least not in the beginning. After a couple of months though I did decide that it would be good for me to take a break from writing as well as being so prominent on social media. If you haven’t noticed, social media can be an ego boost for one’s self-esteem just as much as it can be detrimental to one’s mind and self-worth. I know that only holds so much truth as we decide for ourselves who/what has the power to affect us, but when you are in the moment of feeling as if your life isn’t the greatest, it’s easy to be impacted by things. I can say though that once you are able to step back and really evaluate your life that it genuinely is life-altering.

It was just over a year ago that I felt a negative shift in my life. Not only did I feel it, but I also let it derail me in a lot of areas. What sucked was that even though I knew that the derailment was happening, I had no idea how to stop it. I initially turned to social media, but as I mentioned before, social media can be your best friend or your worst enemy, so I turned away from it. I didn’t, and still, don’t, have time for those with keyboard courage (aka -those that have everything to say as long as they can hide behind some sort of technology). I’m not a confrontation person. Not in person or via social media.

I went through a time where I didn’t trust anyone. I doubted everything, everyone, and I really had a difficult time even believing in myself. I let a few negative comments and whispers creep in rather than merely brushing them off, and because of that, I shrunk. I felt shame. I felt guilty. I felt as if I wasn’t deserving of the love that people were sharing. Because of those things I cowered rather than standing strong and staying true to who I was. I admittedly changed to fit the mold of others, and I could literally feel the struggle within myself each and every day. Had I been in a different place in my life I feel as if I would have responded differently, but at that time I was where I was, and I reacted the way that I did.

Looking back it was a much-needed experience for me. I learned that we are challenged when we need it the most. It doesn’t just happen by chance. I came to realize that there are people in this world who only want to see you hurt rather than see you succeed and grow. Sadly, some of those people may even be friends or relatives. It’s important to acknowledge the negativity and remove yourself from it ASAP. Those people are nothing but energy suckers and honestly a waste of your time. I’ve learned to have compassion for those that judge others so freely as the things that they judge others for are their own personal insecurities. Plus, I don’t have control over others thoughts, I only have control over my own so why waste the energy. I choose to be better than the negative that so easily sucks people in. I also learned that once we see things as “for the better” you are able to finally let go of the past and move on with your life.

There’s been a lot of “new” for me. New place. New people. New college system and so on. Don’t get me wrong, it is all exhilarating! Through it all, I’ve learned that I’m very much so a creature of habit, so there has been an adjustment period. But, I’m in a much better place now. I feel as if I’ve been given a fresh start and I will continue to welcome that feeling with open arms.

With a fresh start comes a different outlook on life and the willingness to embrace who I am rather than shrinking myself to please others. If you are someone who struggles with feelings of judgment, anxiety, and insecurity as I was then I encourage you to dig deep and ask yourself what it is that you feel is holding you back from being your best version of you. If you find that it stems from other peoples opinions, ask yourself why you value their opinion so much. After some serious thought, you’ll realize that their opinion will only affect you if YOU allow it to. They don’t live your day to day life nor do they don’t have to live with your decisions so do what is best for YOU and feels right for your soul.

I’ll leave you with this. When a storm erupts does a tree cower down worrying about its branches being broken or does it stand tall with limbs extended towards the sky? I know many of you will say, “Well a tree cannot cower. Otherwise, I’m sure it would.” My point is that a tree is strong and sturdy until it is cut down OR it’s finally ripped from the ground, but even at that moment it’s weathered years and years of storms. Starting now I choose to be the tree. I decide to be unwavering. I choose to stand as who I am and to value the many different things that I have to give to this world. I encourage all of you to do the same. Be the tree. Stand firm and be mighty during your storms. And choose to surround yourself with those that help you blossom rather than poison the soil and air that brings you life.

Be Encouraged

Life seems to be playing hide-and-seek and all these beauties are hiding and we want to find out from us. Your life has such games that all joy and self-renewal feelings make us disappear. We are lost in every quest and at that moment some things are missing. Some feelings, memories and happiness that we have experienced in the past gives us the feeling that we have lost. We believe we will not find it again. How much a loss is changing everything. Sadness, grief, unhappiness and stress that we can not somehow give. We are defeated by the feelings that we lost in every unit.

As time goes by, we get older. The amount of time given to us is getting shorter every second. People do not know what you’re getting. If everyone was aware, everyone would stop. If they’re walking, if they’re sitting, and whatever they’re doing, they’re just leaving, because every move we make ends up. We lost. It’s like being lost invisible in front of so many people. Every breath we breathe seems to be gone. We do not realize that we are defeated in each of these mixed-life lives, if all we love is the effort and value we love and if it is not what we want, how bad it is, maybe everything we do is inadequate.

Disappeared … Can human beings realize that something is missing? When we feel the absence of some things, people are waiting for someone to show their way. Even if someone shows the way, we need to know that we will walk alone. Just in a way. What does man strive for at that moment? If every unit is dark, why is the sun born every day? Maybe we need to comfort ourselves every day and of course other people. We have to embrace each one, accept a great irony, become a unit rather than one, and when we look at it, everyone is lost and searching. Do not think that some people are lucky, they have what you can not have, and he does not have things that are the same but that are not in him. If so, what is the difference between us? Perhaps it is because each of us has a lot in common. Such as life. Everyone’s life is different and why is it so hard for people to accept it? How easy it is for people to push each other constantly while man is constantly losing his self, pushing his control, his position and everything that depends on him? Are we aware of what we push? It’s someone else’s sorrows, happiness, dreams, ideas, and everything that’s good. How silly it is that people can not trust each other while they are the same. Man is not aware of why, he does not like how he is lost, although he asks for someone like himself. Unfortunately, people can not carry each other. It shows how weak and difficult these people are. We have a weakness against everything. To the house, to the world, to the animals and all the people. We do not know what is too much or too much, as everything is too much and too little to come. We always live in pairs. Everything is opposite and synonymous. When a person disappears, he’s got himself. When we are aware of something, we have a chance to change it. The human being is finally aware of it, how hard and late it is, and when it comes to it, everything is over. Everything that is meaningless and negative goes to the same place. People need to be aware of this. This is a gift given to us if we lose what we are doing this year because people need to find their enlightenment, as the sun will come out whenever the darkness is born.

With the hope that in this new year human beings will always realize that they have not come to realize …

Never have people been so greedy or egocentric before their own time. Under the influence of a truly frenzied hustle of life, high employment, we seem to be afraid to devote precious minutes to other people, and the most terrible – close ones including, mercilessly shutting the door in front of their nose, even when they most need our support, conversation. Is it better to spend this time in social networks, to watch “vital” videos on YouTube, to play computer games than to warm another’s soul with your attention, in a word? Definitely not. So let’s melt inner indifference, indifference! Making others unhappy, grieving them with their own selfishness is very easy. And all the easy ways, as is known, are false.

Speaking of time, I will add: we all perfectly understand that it is not in our power to bring it back, or, on the contrary, to wave forward like a bored film. For time, being an independent unit, can not be influenced from outside. Not the time is working for us – we are at it. Thus, a person can not directly control him, but he is quite able to dispose of this abstract matter at his own discretion or as dictated by society.

Success and happiness also revolve around time, for you are successful if you have mastered the special art of “proper pastime”; and you are happy if you have learned to enjoy a real, elusive moment.

In conclusion, I would like to wish my readers good luck, good and harmony. Be rational and merciful.

The desire to stay up all night, catch up with things that do not have time for the day, just finally devote time to something loved and his under a familiar calm playlist, in which you do not want to switch anything. Spend an evening at home alone, in the company of himself watching a series or movie, reading with hot tea with a lime color or something warming from the inside, tart and leaving a claret print on the lips. To really feel the evening, passing into the night, to spend the evening completely your own, which so long ago thinks.

I’m sitting on the carpet with my legs crossed, I look at the things lying around me, on the empty shelves, the suitcase on the right and the sealed boxes in front – I’m not home again and I’m not moving home. So in the end it may turn out that out of things I will have a clogged backpack, a little more full about the necessary things than now, and everything – so that it will be possible to be a hermit crab, always with everything where it happens to stop, there is a house. The house is where I am.

And it does not really matter where to live. Just want to feel safe, realize that this place is with you for a long place and you can arrange your favorite trifles on the shelves, not thinking that they will soon need to be packed with them on the road.

This time I already perceive the move easier than in the beginning of autumn. It means the will of the case, maybe for the better, as it often happens. Let it be so, the spinning-top spinning in the fall has not stopped; I will then hold on tight, I want to know where it will lead, what has prepared a fast future, and where else I will be. The hermit’s path continues, not interrupting – temporarily, briefly, here and there, in search of your place. I sit on the carpet with my legs crossed, I look around, as if I have lost something, or scissors, to cut the paper, or something else. It seems, I understood: I finally lost my feeling at home.